Imagine with me that it is your daughter’s big day. She has spent months preparing and planning and scheduling and fitting into her dress. Now it is just you and her, standing outside the doors of the chapel. It’s always just been you and her, right? The music starts, the doors glide open, you both, arm in arm, take your first steps down the aisle. You look at her like she’s your little girl again. Then you look up…
You aren’t the only one misty-eyed staring at the girl in the white dress. He is too. There are really three options when it comes to boys when they come around our daughters: we can be the shotgun, overprotective dad, we can be the aloof and absent dad, or we can be the involved and future-minded father. I’ll touch on the second one first, then tackle the shotgun, then land on having a future mindset with our daughters.
We can be the aloof and absent dad. Welcome to the middle ground. Your daughter introduces you to a guy in her life and you are pleasant enough to say hello and remember his name, but beyond that, you don’t seek involvement. Maybe you don’t know how you should respond. Maybe you are actually upset and can’t come to terms with some other guy coming into the picture.
You and I both know that this isn’t what our daughters need. From birth until now, you are their world. You know the feeling of holding that newborn daughter, especially compared to holding a newborn son. “I would die for my son, but I would kill for my daughter.” This is a big moment for her and withdrawing will not do anybody good. If you want her to continue to love you like when she was a child, you need to stay involved.
We can be the shotgun, overprotective dad. It makes for a good joke. “If any boys come sniffing around my daughter, I’ll kill ‘em.” It’s also teaching your daughter to be afraid to fall in love with anyone else. Protection is one thing. Our kids in general need our protection. Protection is one of the primary functions of the father, but metaphorically or even physically holding a shotgun over your daughter’s future in this way is not a good look for you.
What happens when she messes up? Will she tell you? Or… will she run to mom and beg her not to tell you? The damage doesn’t just end there. You are putting yourself against the guy that will be in her life for the rest of her life. She is going to leave and cleave to this man. I wouldn’t make enemies with that.
We can be the involved and future-minded father. Fatherhood is a marathon, not a sprint. The sooner you get it in your head that someday, some other guy will hold her heart the better. The answer is involvement and planning for the future.
There will come a day when some boy will stop at your house to pick your girl up for a date. He’s nervous. His palms are sweaty. You open the door to meet him. This is the moment. Extend your hand, shake it firmly, introduce yourself and get his name, and tell him that you’re glad he is here. Will you set up guidelines for them? Sure thing. Will he verbally need to be told that you will protect your daughter? Probably.
Walking your daughter down the aisle is a passing down. You worked hard to raise her. You are giving her away to this man before you at the front of the church. He’s going to love her. He’s going to protect her. Building for that future starts today. This will build friendship. This will build respect. This will help shape your daughter into the woman God wants her to be more than you know.
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